What's in a name?

Today I have read an article in the Mirror that has made me so angry I wanted to punch things. You can read it here. But as I was on a bus at the time I felt that was somewhat inappropriate. I managed to control my ire and now I am channelling it into this.

Polly Hudson in the article “Cheryl Cole name change is not only horribly sexist, it’s also basically medieval” raises the question of why women are so happy to take their husband's name upon marriage. I believe that Ms Hudson is attempting to argue that feminist empowerment comes from keeping your own surname and if we take our husband's names we are only accepting a subservient existence under the ownership of our masculine masters.

What utter nonsense. I cannot speak for Cheryl Cole but when I took my husband's surname upon marriage it was because I wanted to. There was never any pressure to and we did discuss it beforehand. Speaking of marriage in Ms Hudson's article she describes weddings in a way I do not recognise.

“And it’s not like there hasn’t already been acres of misogyny in the actual wedding itself, all done in the name of tradition… the groom asks the bride’s father for his permission, the father hands her over at the ceremony, like property, at the reception they both make speeches, along with the best man, i.e. all the blokes talk while the subservient little women keep schtum.

Most couples opt to take it out of their vows, but let’s not forget that strictly speaking the woman is meant to promise to obey the man, but not vice versa.”

In recent years I have been very lucky to have gone to a number of weddings, including my own. The picture that she paints here is very different to any event that I have been to. I shall use my own wedding as an example because I remember it in most detail. My husband did not ask for my father's permission to marry me because that would have been ludicrous. If I had been particularly close to my dad then I think it would have been quite charming but at no point would it have been necessary. My mum gave me away and gave a speech. I also gave a speech as did my chief bridesmaid. I can't remember our vicar even bringing up the obey thing and I am certain I didn't say it.

I have never been at a wedding and felt like I should be keeping “schtum” while the men discuss their manly things. If anything weddings are a time when the bride gets to be the centre of attention and the blokes have to take a back seat.

Weddings are a time for celebrating a union and if at that time the bride decides to take the groom's surname then so be it. I do not think that women in this day and age automatically opt to take their husband's name. I know people who have double-barrelled, which is by no means ridiculous, and people who have opted to share the wife's surname. Some people choose not to change their name at all and others don't have that choice. I know doctors and solicitors who do not get the option of changing their name upon marriage as they have built their reputation and registered under their maiden name.

It is true that it is expected that you take your husband's surname upon marriage but it is by no means mandatory. Marriage has evolved so much that it would be impossible for it to be so. If I had fallen in love with a woman and chosen to marry her I know I would have had a very similar conversation regarding surname changes as I did with my husband before we got married.

My mother has been married twice and both times has changed her surname. I don't think any less of her for this. When my mum and dad divorced she didn't revert back to her maiden name because she wanted to keep the same name as her children, me and my sister. That and it was too much hassle to change back. I do not know the particulars of Jo Wood's decisions about keeping her married name when she divorced but I can only assume it had something to do with that and how she had built her reputation around her surname.

I did find it odd that in Ms Hudson's article she doesn't discuss how Cheryl Cole kept her married name when she got divorced from her philandering husband. Cheryl Cole has built an international reputation and brand based on her entire name. It must have been a really difficult choice for her to make in taking her new husband's name, it's not exactly like it rolls off the tongue is it? Cheryl must have had to fight to be allowed to take his name and it only speaks of the strength of her love and belief in her new husband.

In short, Mrs Fernandez-Versini, I applaud your decision to take your husband's surname and I wish you and your new husband a long and very happy marriage.